Chocolate Trivia

There are a few days each year that many fathers dread: tax day, the annual colonoscopy, the trip to the in-laws and yes, Valentine's Day. The argument against Cupid and St Valentine usually unravels thusly: A man can work 50 hours a week, put dinner on the table, pay the taxes, visit the in-laws and raise a family, but if he forgets a card and some chocolate on a certain day - he's a bum.

February 14th, which begins like any other day, can cause great pain for the forgetful father. Ever since the day was cursed by a wicked witch out to punish the males of the species (as some origin-stories suggest). But much like many of your pickup lines, complaining about Valentine's Day just isn't going to work. Here are a few tips to get you through it:

1. When it comes to gifts, think generic. A locket inscribed with "To My One True Love," can be used way more often and with many more women than one scrawled with your lady's name.

2. Taking her out to a nice dinner precludes fast food, movie theater candy, pizza delivery and pop tarts. It's the thought that counts, but we're pretty sure gastrointestinal tolerance counts for something as well.

3. A further note on dining: a burger and a six-pack is not a seven course meal. (But it should be)

4. Excuses get you nowhere. It's far better to admit you forgot to buy Valentine's chocolates than to imply sensitive information about your wife or daughter's weight. Correspondingly, a handful of dandelions are no substitute for a dozen roses.

5. For the single father's out there - Happy Independence Day! Get some red, white and blue firecrackers and let the neighborhood know just how single you are.

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